My five lies.

My inlaws have funny friends.

Sun, 30 Aug 2009 22:31:46 GMT

Friends of the inlaws live in a Belgian castle we went to visit them Friday evening.

The house was adorable: bridge and moat, scores of decorated but never used rooms, illusion pillars, off kilter hidden passageways and a consecrated chapel --prayer pews included--outside the master bedroom.

There is a bloodtrail in this video, and I feel dirty.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:52:25 GMT

From official listing of the public transcript:

Doublewide: i was taught by jesus not to beat retardfs

Aneroixic Dolemite: I am upteenth degree sparkle magic crane.

**********WOOO HA***********

OFFSCREEN VOICE: Get this dead nigger body out of my dojo, but let me film and date the document.

My First Crush:

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 03:36:43 GMT

was Pat Sajak.

From wheel of fortune.

But at that time in my life,

I was, like, 5

and told my parents I would marry him

because letters at that age

were intellectual

and there was fucking glitter everywhere.

Also, I am really dorky, but Eminem gives the best dish:

I get punsihed for being loud during office hours:

Tue, 19 May 2009 22:21:25 GMT

Erik was all goosing me the whole afternoon during my phone calls. Ten minutes of hand up my ass while I tried to talk to my cousin. HOLY CHRIST, I am ON the PHONE.

Hes all jiggling me, on the way out the door for poker, I think he was rubbing me for good luck.

Apparently that's hidden in my ass

Darling and I make a manwich out of Jeff.

Mon, 18 May 2009 01:06:59 GMT

Yes, including stranger urine.

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:15:23 GMT

A: http://io9.com/5222309/nbc-dethrones-kings-by-banishing-it-to-summer

me: I hate you
why did you do this to me?

A: i is just dah messengah!

me: die alone and covered in pee.

A: THAT WOULD BE A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE!

me: its not even your pee.
now we're even.

A: =[
i dont feel that the scale of those two things are exactly even..

me: you are a heathen who deserves what a karmic god dolls out to you
yes, including stranger urine.

atlnetadam: =[

Casino In Sharm El Sheikh

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:45:45 GMT

In the casino in egypt you could smoke. The gentlemen at the poker tables had whores hanging on your shoulders, who would peek at your cards. I was the only skirt seated at the table between an italian godfather dying of emphysema hour hence and a polish man in holy sweatpants with five grand on the table.

I love poker.

We have fly rides.

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:24:13 GMT

We love bikes. Erik brought my old bike in for trade as I have taken over his beautiful little track bike. We got this in exchange:

I cant wait until we go riding.

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Little Heads

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:34:02 GMT

Erik baked the daffodils in his office.

To keep bulbs for following years, you have to pinch the flowers off as they wilt to preserve bulb strength. Since the flowers actually baked on the radiator, they dried in their prime on the plant.

I am the owner of a little bowl full of dried daffodil heads.

Poor little things. I had them all peeking out the window, nodding at the sun. When I wanted to be clever, I would face them indoors and make them turn their pretty heads to look for the natural light.

We all have our ways of being mean to flowers.

Studio days

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:53:53 GMT

Sometimes if I am not doing anything fumey in my studio Akira brings his basket in and sits with me.

Started first study with acrylic inks and titanium white acrylic bases. I am still working it out on how to get the water textured.

Mmmm Indo two days in a row is fantastic. We'll go for three with leftovers.

Village Idiot

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 23:23:31 GMT

That is what I'm assuming they said. Without Hugh by my side to translate, every interaction was based upon a series of assumptions. The kind butcher may not have been kind at all, and the grocer might have been saying, "To hell with you and your bottleneck. Go away now and leave me alone." Their personalities were entirely my own invention. On the downside, my personality was entirely their invention. I seemed to have reached my mid-thirties only to be known as "the guy who says 'bottleneck' " the pied piper who convinces young people to lie in the road, the grown man who ignores the electric-fence warnings and frightens the horses with his screaming. Were such a person described to me, I'd say, "Oh, you mean the village idiot."
-Me Talk Pretty One Day David Sedaris

Planting

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:54:10 GMT

Its starting to be springish, and I admire the dutch dedication to gardening.

There is a whole SECTION of poppy seeds. Guess who is buying one of everything like a kid in a candy store. My test batch of cali are doing very nicely.

Also, time to start the mary jane topiary. I am using my 1 of 5 free pass on the horticulture ticket.

Way to be.

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 02:19:52 GMT

Travel Tip:

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 22:54:53 GMT

German airport customs blows.

Travel

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:10:54 GMT

Made it to egypt.

The red sea is full of sharks. Cant wait to go diving.

View Larger Map

Thats where I am.

immunity

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 20:01:07 GMT

erik and i spent valentine's a lesbian cafe in frankfurt with patty and ken. we just followed the pink neon to booze. Luv's was better then our first option, the 'Funny Box'.

<3

anyway, packing erik for milan and then off to egypt tomorrow night.

I was told not to drink the water.

Couch Potato Rolled Over:

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 06:11:38 GMT

Interviewed my new gym:

Yeah yeah yeah, ferrarri of treadmills, new sauna, racketball court? wtf are we in the 80s? new new no one has even farted on it yet everything. sure sure, I get it, I STILL don't want to lick it. No. I dont need to try the vibrating plate thingie, I've seen it before and may have a variation at home.

Oh you DO have a spin class--and look-- you space our asses out! AND it overlooks the parking lot of the swingers club? FANTASTIC!

Projector in the spin room to make my own peleton experience in non class hours? Interesting...

Wii fitness on the projector downstairs, free movie rentals. Included open drink bar? Fuck. Sold.

38 euro a month for what I was paying 150 for in nyc.

I cant wait to Gladys Kravitz the swingers club parking lot and give myself the small town creepys.

The only chicken and waffle place in all of holland:

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 21:30:38 GMT

OK OK OK, I'll let it go after this. But seriously:

Sinterklaas is Tomorrow

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 15:43:58 GMT

As I was saying to Andy, there was a marching band of Black Petes at the mall. I nearly shat myself with white guilt.

I have the most racist wrapping paper this side of the 1950s this year:

Souvenirs from Copenhagen

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:22:55 GMT

Postcard found in danish cafe:

Have fun making heads or tales of that without a translator.

No. More. Wire. Hangers.

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 04:11:19 GMT

Odd media juxtapose for the evening:

Reading Little Women and watching Mommie Dearest.

How to beat your wife.

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 22:55:51 GMT

Dark Chocolate Chip Cookies

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:15:40 GMT

I have the dough for these in the fridge today. Am baking one or two in the toaster oven at a time so that Erik has warm cookies on demand while we play Guitar Hero: World Tour. I am a fucktard, but rocking out to the Tool gig, so fuck ya'll.

Dutch supermarkets dont stock cocoa (funny enough!) its too old fashioned. I had to go to copenhagen to get the crack. We dont have chocolate chips here either, so I use yummy dutch semi sweet chocolate bars (puur)

You are SO going to need to add flour to these, I just started spooning it in when the test cookies sludged out. I would say at least another 1/3rd cup.

Dark Chocolate Chip Cookie
Yield: 6 to 10 servings

Ingredients
1 cup sugar (220 g)
1/3 cup (75 g) butter, softened
1 large egg
½ cup (55 g) all-purpose flour (- perhaps a little more)
½ cup (50 g) unsweetened cocoa powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
6 oz (170 g) semisweet chocolate chips

Method

1. Preheat oven to 375 deg F (190 deg C).
2. Using an electric mixer, cream butter with sugar, add the egg
and mix for one minute.
3. Add vanilla, baking soda, flour and cocoa and mix well.
4. Add chocolate chips.
5. Place the dough in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes.
6. Drop by rounded large tablespoonfuls onto an ungreased cookie sheet.
7. Bake the chocolate chip cookies for 8 to 12 minutes. Always try
first with 1-2 cookies to check whether the dough is OK. You might
need to add a little more flour.
8. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for a few minutes, then
move the cookies to a wire rack.

Meme Wednesday

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 10:47:59 GMT

News:Best Government Job Ever.

Human Interest:Spies are awesome.

Games:Compulsion is an odd thing.

Ants!

Sketchbook Post

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:12:37 GMT

Scribbles for later:

Ticky Tacky little houses in Copenhagen